Ugly, But Not
by ThatWeirdoThatFollowsYou
Summary: Natalia wakes up as her older brother, Ivan, goes to the bathroom at night. Little does she know, her big brother has a big secret. [WARNING: MAY OR MAY NOT GIVE FEELS. THE AUTHOR IS NOT EXTREMELY EXPERIENCED] Human Names Used


**_A/N: Hiya! This is my first fan fiction. Along with my first Hetalia fanfiction. Please DO NOT criticize me harshly... I know I'm crappy at writing, but please be gentle with me..._**

_**I've used Russian and the translations are in BOLD. I used Google Translate. Blame Google if I screwed up a translation. t(^-^)t**_

**_DISCLAIMER: I don't Hetalia? Well fuck you, man. Fuck you._**

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Ivan made sure his sisters were asleep as he crept to the bathroom and locked the door. He sighed, not noticing that Natalia was still awake. She crept from her bed, following quietly after her big brother and stopped as he stepped into the bathroom. Natalia paused, hearing him pulling something from beneath the sink. She bent down and peeking under the door, managing to catch a glance at the box, the words written on it stunning.

"Gadkiy okno? **[Ugly box?]**" she thought, questioning the name of the box and why it was so "ugly."

It vanished from her sight as her brother sat it on the sink counter. Inside the bathroom, Ivan opened his ugly box, knowing exactly why he called it ugly. He hid razors in it, due to the fact he thought he was hideous. He stared at his reflection, a few stray tears escaping his violet eyes.

He thought his platinum blonde hair made him scary and his eyes. Oh his eyes. He thought no one should've ever had his sort of eye color. His smile... He thought it scared everyone away. He had no friends, aside from Natalia and his older sister, Katyusha. He blamed himself for it. He also thought he prevented his sisters from ever having friends because he was always near them. He muffled his sobs, not wanting to wake anyone.

Ivan rolled up his sleeves, showing old scars and recent cuts. He pressed the metal blade against the skin of his left wrist, making a thin cut as he slit it. He repeated the process around five times on the arm, blood slowly beginning to drip from them. He switched arm, making the same amount of cuts. Ivan let tears escape his eyes, mumbling insults to himself.

"Monstr... Otvratitel'nyy... Trevozhnaya... Fagot... On ne dolzhen sushchestvovat'... **[Monster... Hideous... Disturbing... Faggot... Shouldn't exist...]**" he whimpered quietly as he cut, holding his bleeding wrists infront of himself when he'd finished.

Natalia stared in shock, seeing the blood drip on the floor. She quickly got up, scurring off to her room, tears pouring down her face. She never knew her brother did this to himself whenever they slept. Even in her room, she heard his soft crying in the bathroom. After a while, she heard the metal clink back in the box and water run. As she listened to him walk back down the halls, Natalia could still hear his quiet crying until he was shut back in his room. Natalia didn't know how long he had been doing it, but she was going to tell Katyusha and force Ivan to show them what he was doing. With that thought, she slowly fell asleep.  
In Ivan's room, he was still crying. He knew he shouldn't do this to himself, but it was hard not to. He slowly cried himself to sleep, silently wishing for his end to come to him naturally...

~Page Break

Natalia slowly got up, hearing Katyusha cooking. Her light brown hair fell into her dark, seemingly black, blue eyes as she got prepared for the day. Last night was fresh on her mind as she crept into the bathroom, quickly grabbing the box for evidence. She knew Ivan was already awake, as she heard him making a bit of small talk in the dining room as he and Katyusha began eating. Natalia slowly came down the stairs, hiding the box behind her back. Katyusha looked at her sister, her silver-like hair framing her navy blue eyes and smile.

"Dobroye utro Natal'ya. Kak spalos'?**[Good morning Natalia. Did you sleep well?]**" Katyusha asked, smiling as she began making Natalia a plate.

"Da. Khorosho spali, sestrenka?**[Yes. Did you sleep well little sister?]**" Ivan gave a smile, his long sleeves covering his arms.

"Ne sovsem. Chto o vas dvoikh?**[Not really. What about you two?]**" Natalia sighed, remaining in the doorway.

"YA spal ochen' khorosho. Blagodarya.**[I slept quite well. Thanks.]**" Katyusha chirped. setting the plate on the table.

"YA spal khorosho, tozhe. Spasibo za vash-**[I slept well, too. Thanks for your-]**" Ivan started.

"Pozhaluysta zamyat' Ivan... YA nashel tebya v vannoy vchera vecherom.**[Please hush Ivan... I know your lying. I caught you in the bathroom last night.]**" Natalia interupted, Ivan's expression shocked.

"Chto ty imeyesh' v vidu?**[What do you mean?]"** Ivan asked, shifting in his seat. Natalia pulled the box out from behind herself, tears slowly gathering in her eyes. Katyusha stared, curious.

"YA znayu, ty pererezal sebe veny. YA znayu, chto vasha vredit sebe, i ya khochu, chtoby vy perestali! Pozhaluysta...**[I know you slit your wrists. I know that your hurting yourself and I want you to stop! Please...]**" she cried, taking the lid off the box. In the box was all his blood-stained razors and a few bandages. "Pozhaluysta, Ivan... Pokazhite nam vashi zapyast'ya... Rasskazhite, kak dolgo vy delali eto... I pochemu...**[Please Ivan... Show us your wrists... Tell us how long you've been doing this... And why...]**"

Katyusha stared in horror, looking at her siblings. Tears esaped everyone's eyes, breakfast being ignored.

"Ivan... Pozhaluysta, pokazhite nam. Mne nuzhno znat'...** [Ivan... Please show us. I need to know...]"** Katyusha whispered, Ivan merely looking away from his sisters.

"Vy... Vy uvereny, chto khotite uvidet'? Vy uvereny, chto vy khotite znat'?[Are you... Are you sure you want to see...? Are you sure you want to know?]" he mumbled, hesitantly, grabbing the cuff of his sleeve.

"Pozhaluysta...**[Please...]**" Natalia begged, Ivan sighing as he rolled up each sleeve. The two girls gasped at their brother's wrists, seeing all the damage he had done to himself.

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_**A/N: I'M AN ASS, NOW AREN'T I? ;3 I swear to god, I have this planned out. It's a two-shot. I'm already working on the second one. If you guys want, I can make it longer...Depends... But... If I do... I'll do pairings... And you can give me any pairing! Just no incest. Me no likely incest. BLEH. And another thing. Should I just put it all in English and stop using Russian? Tells me pls. **_

_**But back to the pairing thing.**_

_**I'm mostly familiar with;**_

_**RussiaXAmerica**_

_**RussiaXChina**_

_**RussiaXPrussia**_

_**BUT I'M WILLING TO DO RESEARCH ON MORE PAIRINGS!**_

_**Reviews + Sharing= Quicker Update**_

_**~~Thatweirdothatfollowsyou**_


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